You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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