I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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