I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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