I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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