my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
nutella sex= disaster
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
