Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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