Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
