I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
