I think I died a long time ago.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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