did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
