you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
