if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
