Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
