She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
