I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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