Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
