margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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