Everything about him screamed your future.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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