then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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