It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
