Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Farmville is her only friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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