I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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