6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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