I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
