Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
