dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
