You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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