just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
