Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize