So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
