He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
