How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
