The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
