I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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