i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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