Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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