we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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