So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
