so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
