i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
