Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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