I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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