at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
