so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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