um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Alive.
So much puke
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
