You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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