i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
