I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
