I cockslap morals
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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