Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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