shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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