Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
