yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
