I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Say something about gay babies.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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