i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
