Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
