this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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