I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The beer is more important than you right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
