...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
