In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
