pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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