who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
