Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
