am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
