OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
