You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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