she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
NoShamevember. You game?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
